Mabel Krookneck – Trailer Space #13
1st Annual Jackalope Ranch Talent Show!
Posted in Law of the Land on February 22, 2008 by jackalopeandyOld Man Piss-Foam Pond
Posted in OldBatFishNancy on February 21, 2008 by jackalopeandyIn the Pond on Jackalope Ranch there lives a fish, this isn’t any ordinary fish mind you. This fish is about as disgusting as a Malodorous Flatulence Contest held in a Mini-Cooper. Over the years people have reported catching this fish and immediately tossing it back into yellowish-old man piss foam that covers the pond. (the pond needs to be drained or something)
With every report comes some kind of vile episode involving this horrible nuisance. It’s been named by the locals as “Old BatFish Nancy” and has been around these parts for eons they say.
One such reported episode…
…see what I mean?
Remember: If you ever encounter “Old Batfish Nancy” toss her back
into the old man piss foam.
Ask Mr. Wonder Woman
Posted in Ask Mr. WonderWoman on February 19, 2008 by jackalopeandy
Dear Mr. Wonder Woman,
I see you are carrying a purse, can you tell us what you have in your handbag?
signed– Noseykins
***********************
Dear Noseykins,
Aren’t you the NoseyRosie. Look, do I ask you what’s up your butt?
I didn’t think so, because if I did you’d have to say your head.
You’re a twirp now go tell your Momma I said so.
signed– Mr. Wonder Woman
*********************
Dear Mr. Wonder Woman,
I’m a beautiful, (my friends say so) single white female, 22 years old and I’m single.
Why is that?
What’s wrong with men today, why do I have to buy my own dinners?
Why do I have to open my own doors?
Why is it that when I go out with my girlfriends, I’m always the one who never gets asked to dance?
signed–Danceless in Seattle
*******************
Dear Danceless in Seattle,
Are you Ugly?
You’re not very bright because you told me you were single twice in one sentence.
What? You didn’t think I heard you the first time?
Ideeeiot.
Could it be possible that your so-called girlfriends just want you to save the table and watch their stuff while they go on the dance floor?
Acknowledge that you own your shit. Unless you think you can sell if off cheap on eBay.
If you look at relationships that haven’t worked, the common denominator is you!
That means you are the problem.
You create your own experience and control the choices you make.
Your behavior and decisions have consequences. Take responsibility for them.
Stop offering yourself up to every goomba that comes along.
Are you a Whore?
No, you’re not because if you were you’d be more mentally balanced.
Take the advice of my very best friend Dr. Phil.
“Stop skanking yo’self skumbait, shake it off and be a man.”
Are you a Whore?
Ask yourself that you ideeeiot!
signed–Mr. Wonder Woman
*disclaimer: Ask Mr. WonderWoman is for entertainment purposes only if you actually take this advice you are an ideeeiot!
Comming Soon!
Posted in Law of the Land on February 15, 2008 by jackalopeandy
Yes, the Adventures of TWO kRaZy Squirrels that are permanent residents here at “Jackalope Ranch”. You won’t believe the mayhem they will cause once they get started.
After several years of ingesting processed food waste “Fatty” has become a 22 pound MEGA-FAT ASS SQUIRREL not able to run due to his enormous size he’s constantly being harassed by local school children and roving wild Dogs. While on the flipside “Spitty” has completely lost his mind (and severely prone to violence) from chewing on formaldehyde infused upholstery found in the remaining FEMA trailers the Federal Government dropped off after the Katrina disaster in 2005.
Put the TWO together and you have a recipe for unstoppable Hilari-osity!
So hold your sack of nuts and keep your peepers peeled for a couple of
Rascally- Rabid Rodents!!!
ASK Mr. WonderWoman.
Posted in Law of the Land on February 14, 2008 by jackalopeandyDear Mr. WonderWoman,
I have a problem. I’m only about 5 foot tall and weigh only 105 lbs. My boyfriend is nearly 6 foot and weighs nearly 230. My problem is that when we have sex it hurts, he’s pretty big in the pork loin region, if you know what I mean. Is there anything I can do to make it stop hurting?
Signed–Plum Pork’d Out
***
Dear Plum Pork’d Out,
This won’t hurt a bit. You’re obviously not a match made in Heaven, I can see that right off the bone. I tell what you do.
1st. Invent some reason to break up with him.
2nd email me his telephone #.
That will make everyone Happy!
See how EZ that was?
Welcome to Jackalope Ranch
Posted in Law of the Land on February 13, 2008 by jackalopeandyHear ye! Hear ye! Welcome to the Jackalope Ranch Blog.
Let’s see what kind of trouble FUN we can have eh?
moooo!
