Jackalope Ranch

1st Annual Jackalope Ranch Talent Show!

jackalopeandy — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 00:23:17 +0000

Mabel Krookneck – Trailer Space #13

Old Man Piss-Foam Pond

jackalopeandy — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 00:14:59 +0000

In the Pond on Jackalope Ranch there lives a fish, this isn’t any ordinary fish mind you. This fish is about as disgusting as a Malodorous Flatulence Contest held in a Mini-Cooper. Over the years people have reported catching this fish and immediately tossing it back into yellowish-old man piss foam that covers the pond. (the pond needs to be drained or something)

With every report comes some kind of vile episode involving this horrible nuisance. It’s been named by the locals as “Old BatFish Nancy” and has been around these parts for eons they say.

One such reported episode…

…see what I mean?

Remember: If you ever encounter “Old Batfish Nancy” toss her back

into the old man piss foam.

Smoke On Da Wadda

jackalopeandy — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:29:49 +0000

GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY

jackalopeandy — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:09:08 +0000

Ask Mr. Wonder Woman

jackalopeandy — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 07:10:26 +0000

Dear Mr. Wonder Woman,

I see you are carrying a purse, can you tell us what you have in your handbag?

signed– Noseykins

***********************

Dear Noseykins,

Aren’t you the NoseyRosie. Look, do I ask you what’s up your butt?

I didn’t think so, because if I did you’d have to say your head.

You’re a twirp now go tell your Momma I said so.

signed– Mr. Wonder Woman

*********************

Dear Mr. Wonder Woman,

I’m a beautiful, (my friends say so) single white female, 22 years old and I’m single.

Why is that?

What’s wrong with men today, why do I have to buy my own dinners?

Why do I have to open my own doors?

Why is it that when I go out with my girlfriends, I’m always the one who never gets asked to dance?

signed–Danceless in Seattle

*******************

Dear Danceless in Seattle,

Are you Ugly?

You’re not very bright because you told me you were single twice in one sentence.

What? You didn’t think I heard you the first time?

Ideeeiot.

Could it be possible that your so-called girlfriends just want you to save the table and watch their stuff while they go on the dance floor?

Acknowledge that you own your shit. Unless you think you can sell if off cheap on eBay.

If you look at relationships that haven’t worked, the common denominator is you!

That means you are the problem.

You create your own experience and control the choices you make.

Your behavior and decisions have consequences. Take responsibility for them.

Stop offering yourself up to every goomba that comes along.

Are you a Whore?

No, you’re not because if you were you’d be more mentally balanced.

Take the advice of my very best friend Dr. Phil.

“Stop skanking yo’self skumbait, shake it off and be a man.”

Are you a Whore?

Ask yourself that you ideeeiot!

signed–Mr. Wonder Woman

*disclaimer: Ask Mr. WonderWoman is for entertainment purposes only if you actually take this advice you are an ideeeiot!

Fatty and Spitty

jackalopeandy — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 19:26:43 +0000

Comming Soon!

jackalopeandy — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 21:00:46 +0000

Yes, the Adventures of TWO kRaZy Squirrels that are permanent residents here at “Jackalope Ranch”. You won’t believe the mayhem they will cause once they get started.

After several years of ingesting processed food waste “Fatty” has become a 22 pound MEGA-FAT ASS SQUIRREL not able to run due to his enormous size he’s constantly being harassed by local school children and roving wild Dogs. While on the flipside “Spitty” has completely lost his mind (and severely prone to violence) from chewing on formaldehyde infused upholstery found in the remaining FEMA trailers the Federal Government dropped off after the Katrina disaster in 2005.

Put the TWO together and you have a recipe for unstoppable Hilari-osity!

So hold your sack of nuts and keep your peepers peeled for a couple of

Rascally- Rabid Rodents!!!

ASK Mr. WonderWoman.

jackalopeandy — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 23:45:40 +0000

Dear Mr. WonderWoman,

I have a problem. I’m only about 5 foot tall and weigh only 105 lbs. My boyfriend is nearly 6 foot and weighs nearly 230. My problem is that when we have sex it hurts, he’s pretty big in the pork loin region, if you know what I mean. Is there anything I can do to make it stop hurting?

Signed–Plum Pork’d Out

***

Dear Plum Pork’d Out,

This won’t hurt a bit. You’re obviously not a match made in Heaven, I can see that right off the bone. I tell what you do.

1st. Invent some reason to break up with him.

2nd email me his telephone #.

That will make everyone Happy!

See how EZ that was?

Welcome to Jackalope Ranch

jackalopeandy — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 23:56:20 +0000

Hear ye! Hear ye! Welcome to the Jackalope Ranch Blog.

Let’s see what kind of ~~trouble~~ FUN we can have eh?

moooo!